Overview
Here are some ways to help children cope with fears
associated with violent traumatic events such as
bombings and shootings -- whether the child has
been directly involved or has learned of the event
through the media.
- Understanding your child's fears
- The importance of security and routine
- Helping your child
- Common reactions
- If fears continue
Traumatic events can have profound effects not
only on those who have been injured, but also on
loved ones, survivors, and witnesses. Extensive
media coverage of tragedies means that the circle
of witnesses has expanded to include those who were
not present at the event. Large-scale tragedies
such as bombing incidents and school shootings can
be extremely disturbing to children, who thrive
on predictability and security. The following information
is intended to help you understand and ease your
child's fears.
Understanding your child's fears
Children who have been exposed to a traumatic event
are afraid of many of the same things adults are
afraid of: that the event will happen again; that
they or their family will be hurt; or that they
will be separated from family members. They may
also have fears based on misconceptions of what
has happened.
The importance of security and routine
Among the most important things adults can provide
for children, at any time, is an unbroken sense
of security and routine. If your child has been
exposed to a traumatic event, it's important to
do as much as you can to keep disruptions to a minimum
and to reassure him that he is loved, cared for,
and protected. It can be helpful to:
- Reassure your child that you are there to protect
him, and that your family is safe and together.
- Provide extra physical reassurance. Hugging,
sitting close to read a book, and back rubs can
help restore a child's sense of safety.
- Give your child a comforting toy or something
of yours to keep -- a scarf, a photograph, or
a note from you. Your child may be afraid of separating
from you, and keeping a reminder of you close
by can help.
- Be available as much as you can for talking
with and comforting your child. (If you can, you
may want to save phone calls for after your child's
bedtime.)
- If your child's daily routine has been interrupted,
let him know that this is only temporary. (You
will probably need to repeat this many times.)
Helping your child
Open, thoughtful communication with your child
will help comfort and reassure her. The following
guidelines can help:
- Ask your child what she thinks has happened.
If she has any misconceptions, this is a chance
for you to help her. If a child knows upsetting
details that are true, don't deny them. Instead,
listen closely and talk with her about her fears.
- Help your child talk about the event by letting
her know that it is normal to feel worried or
upset. Try to listen carefully and understand
what she is really trying to say. Help younger
children use words like "angry" and
"sad" to express their feelings.
- Try to be patient when your child asks the
same question many times. Children often use repetition
of information as a source of comfort. Try to
be consistent with answers and information.
If your child seems reluctant to talk, ask her
to draw pictures of what happened, and talk about
the pictures with her.
- Encourage a young child to act out her feelings
with toys or puppets. Don't be alarmed if she
expresses angry or violent emotions. Instead,
use the play-acting to begin a conversation about
your child's worries and fears.
- Talk with your child about your own feelings,
but try to find other adults to talk with about
your anxieties and frustrations. Children pick
up on their parents' emotions, and will tend to
feel more frightened and helpless if that's how
their parents appear.
- Shield your child from graphic details and
pictures in the media. They will only make her
more anxious.
Common reactions
Here are some common reactions associated with
traumatic events and ways to help your child deal
with them:
- Regression. Many children may try to return
to an earlier stage when they felt safer and more
cared for. Younger children may wet the bed or
want a bottle; older children may fear being alone.
It's important to be patient and comforting if
your child responds this way.
- Thinking the event is their fault. Children
younger than seven or eight tend to think that
if something goes wrong, it must be their fault
-- no matter how irrational this may sound to
an adult. Be sure your child understands that
he did not cause the event.
- Sleep disorders. Some children have difficulty
falling to sleep; others wake frequently or have
troubling dreams. If you can, give your child
a stuffed animal, soft blanket, or flashlight
to take to bed. Try spending extra time together
in the evening, doing quiet activities or reading.
Be patient. It may take a while before your child
can sleep through the night again.
- Feeling helpless. Powerlessness is painful
for adults and children. Being active in a campaign
to prevent an event like this one from happening
again, writing thank you letters to people who
have helped, and caring for others can bring a
sense of hope and control to everyone in the family.
If fears continue
Sometimes a child's fears last long after a traumatic
event, interfering with his enjoyment of everyday
life. If your child has persistent problems with
any of the following, it's important to consult
your doctor for a referral to expert help:
- troubled sleep or frequent nightmares
- bedwetting
- fear of darkness, imaginary monsters, or bad
people
- fear of going to school, going outside, or
being left alone
- thumb sucking
- unusual quietness, unresponsiveness, or tiredness
- unusual agitation or aggression
- excessive clinging
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