| Each
day hundreds of thousands of children dread going
to school and facing the taunts, jeers, and humiliation
wrought by bullies. When we think of bullying, the
easily identifiable physical and verbal harassment
comes to mind, including teasing, taunting, threatening,
and hitting. Relational bullying is more difficult
for adults to observe and identify. Children who
bully through relational means socially isolate
their victims by intentionally excluding them or
spreading rumors about them. Bullying, then, refers
to physical or psychological intimidation that occurs
repeatedly, is intended to inflict injury or discomfort
on the victim, and creates an ongoing pattern of
harassment and abuse.
The bullying relationship is characterized by an
imbalance of power, such that the victim of bullying
finds it hard to defend him- or herself and begins
to feel powerless against the bully. The child who
bullies typically is bigger, older, stronger, or
more popular than the victim of bullying, and his
or her intent is to exert power over the victim.
For example, girls who bully through exclusion and
other forms of relational aggression tend to have
more social power than their victims. The bully
is aware that his or her behavior causes distress,
the bully enjoys the victim's reaction, and the
bullying continues and escalates. Bullies hurt others
in order to feel strong and powerful at a given
moment.
It's very difficult for most parents to determine
whether their children engage in bullying behaviors
because most bullying occurs out of parents' sight.
Some adults and children rationalize bullying because
victims are overly sensitive, cry easily, or act
in ways that set them apart from other children.
Even if the victim does show these characteristics,
adults and children must know bullying is not a
healthy coping response—it signals that a
child needs to learn how to manage his or her emotions,
release anger and frustration in more healthy ways,
and learn more constructive strategies for getting
along with others. Your role, as parent or teacher,
is to help children establish more mature and healthy
ways of relating with others, thereby ensuring that
they will grow into caring and adaptive adults.
Who is likely to be victimized?
There are at least two types of victims: passive
victims and reactive victims. The stereotypical
image of the bullied child is the passive victim:
He or she avoids confrontation, is physically slight,
quiet, does not tease others, and does not defend
him- or herself from the bully. The passive victim
turns inward when bullied—crying and withdrawing
rather than fighting back.
Reactive victims are much less common than passive
victims. The reactive victim provokes attacks by
being aggressive, disruptive, argumentative, and
antagonizing towards bullies and other children,
and retaliates when he or she is bullied. Sometimes
reactive victims are referred to as bully/victims
because they straddle the fence of being a bully
and/or victim. They are difficult to identify because
they seem to be targets for bullies, but they often
taunt bullies and other children. Not only do reactive
victims fight back when bullied, but they sometimes
channel their rage and anger into bullying others,
especially those younger and weaker than themselves.
In this way, some victims of bullies transform into
bullies themselves, perpetuating the abuse and singling
out new victims.
What are the effects of bullying?
Bullying is not a normal part of growing up. Victims
of bullying suffer psychological and sometimes physical
scars that last a lifetime. Victims report greater
fear and anxiety, feel less accepted, suffer from
more health problems, and score lower on measures
of academic achievement and self-esteem than students
who are not bullied. Victims often turn their anger
inward, which may lead to depression, anxiety, and
even suicide. The experience of bullying is also
linked with violence, as the fatal school shootings
in Littleton, Colorado, and Jonesborough, Arkansas,
have illustrated.
However, it's not just victims who are hurt by
bullying. Bullies fail to learn how to cope, manage
their emotions, and communicate effectively—skills
vital to success in the adult world. Without intervention,
bullies suffer stunted emotional growth and fail
to develop empathy. Since bullies are accustomed
to achieving their immediate goals by pushing others
around, they don't learn how to have genuine relationships
with other people. Instead, they externalize and
blame others for their problems, never taking responsibility,
nor learning how to care for another's needs. Bullies
who don't learn other ways of getting what they
want develop into adult bullies who are more likely
to experience criminal troubles, be abusive toward
their spouses, and have more aggressive children,
perhaps continuing the cycle of bullying into the
next generation.
Ending bullying: What works
The most effective way of addressing bullying is
through comprehensive schoolwide programs. Schoolwide
programs, developed collaboratively between school
administration and personnel, students, parents,
and community members, seek to change the school's
culture to emphasize respect and eliminate bullying.
So what has been shown to work in preventing and
ending bullying?
- Increased awareness, understanding, and knowledge
about bullying on the part of school staff, parents,
and students
- Involvement of the wider community, including
parents and service providers
- Integration of bullying-related content into
the curriculum in ways that are appropriate to
each grade
- Increased supervision and monitoring of students
to observe and intervene in bullying situations
- Involvement of students
- Encouragement of students to seek help when
victimized or witnessing victimization
- A plan to deal with instances of bullying
- Class and school rules and policies regarding
bullying and appropriate social behavior
- Promotion of personal and social competencies
(e.g., assertiveness, anger management, self-confidence,
and emotional management skills)
- A schoolwide community of respect in which every
student is valued
- Collaboration between parents, educators, service
providers, and students to reinforce messages
and skills across settings (e.g., home, school,
community)
- Serious commitment to implementing the program
on the part of administrators and school staff
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